thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
