We're like a lot better than the average bears
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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