im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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