Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
