it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Randomize
