Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
