I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
