I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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