Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
