I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
