I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
