john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
