i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
