he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
