Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
