I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize