I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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