What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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