i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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