why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
