Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
