well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize