i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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