tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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