sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
