Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
