Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
