Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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