he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
