he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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