he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
