so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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