What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
