what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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