Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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