Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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