you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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