how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
