Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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