I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
