if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
