Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
