Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
