Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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