if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
How's work?
Spinning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
