I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
