So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
