xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
