I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
