Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
