How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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