Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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