We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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