Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
