Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
