Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
