Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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