I just made out with a guy for $7.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
