The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
