cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
