Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
