I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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