we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My dick has a subreddit
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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