you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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