The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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