I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
