On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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