tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
