We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
