Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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