Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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