you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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