did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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