Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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