So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
